And I’m not speaking of December 7^th!!

Well the countdown is on. My D-day is what I refer to as my divorce final date. This particular D-day and let us hope and pray this is the only one for this here lady, is set for court for October 2^nd 2012. This is just three days shy of what would have been my five year anniversary.

Sad, yes. Lonely, yes. Heartbroken, yes. Sacred, I’d be lying if I said yes. It’s really to death!!

This has been a complete learning experience and a growing one for me. These were not my plans when I set out 12 years ago and decided to live on my own and make a life for myself. Anyone can tell you that has been through a divorce that it is a painful process. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying to themselves and to you!

I never understood how people could simply just fall apart and out of love with each other. To be honest, I still don’t understand it. But therein lies the lesson for me. Not everything is meant to be understood in this life. Not everything is as it seems with everything and nothing and I mean nothing is guaranteed forever.

I know the hardest part of this, for me and I’m sure some would agree is simply the task of letting it go. Letting go of the resentment and anger and frustration that I couldn’t make something work out and that I failed. I failed myself, my husband (soon ex), failed my daughter, failed my family and failed my friends. But we have to realize that failure is God’s way of saying too us, look this isn’t right, this just can’t be. My plan for you did not entail this to happen forever but to show you another way to be, to be a lesson and to show you to be a better person.

My new Ink to help remind me to do this when needed!!

Truth be told, do I understand this? Completely, no, I still have my own demons and issues to work out and to discover who and what I want to be. I can tell you I’ve learned you do learn very quickly who your “real” friends are. You learn very quickly the true meaning of love and what you need in your life to have that true love. You learn too to build walls and set good boundaries and goals for yourself. You learn, “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter” ~Dr. Suess

I hope to take away a great lesson and become a stronger better person. Not that I consider myself a bad person, just a better version of who I am and who I want to be. I hope to be an impeccable mother, as mine was, and have my daughter as a best friend as my mother is mine. To learn to forgive but never forget those scars that appear on my heart forever and always. Trust and love again, as I too deserve to be happy and to be loved by someone who really just simply thinks the sun shines right out of my ass!! J

I would like to extend anyone that is or maybe facing divorce to discover the following information and possibly gain some help and knowledge from them. They sure helped me!!

Website - http://www.divorcecare.org/